I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
