Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
