I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
