I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
