You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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