I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
