I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
