Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
