I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
