Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Randomize
