just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
