I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
