i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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