THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
