For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
