K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
