I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
