Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
