i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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