Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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