Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
