Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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