In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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