sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
