Do you still have your period?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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