here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
