I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
