Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Randomize
