he puts the penis in happiness.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
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