I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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