I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
someone get that fucking seahorse.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
