Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
