Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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