...so i touched it.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
cat food counts as protein by the way
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
