If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
