They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
