I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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