Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
