Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Watching her eat just hurts me
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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