You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
