Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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