This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
