why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
