Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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