Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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