Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
