So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
