As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
