what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I feel like abortions should bother me more
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He passed out mid-signature
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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