She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Randomize
