Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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