Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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