We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
