carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Is it because I queefed?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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