Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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