You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
