I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.