A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?