Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
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I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
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I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?