Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.