i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.