I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
