Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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