I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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