Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
