Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
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We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
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I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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