you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
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Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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