ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
