it wasn't lemon gatorade
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
