All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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