ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
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She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
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I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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