Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
