If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
