Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
