I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
