At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
a search helicopter?!
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
