i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
