Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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