Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
