I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
