Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I could have mohawked her pubes.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Randomize
