i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Can you bring me the toilet please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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