I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
