If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
