I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
