She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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